I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
