Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
