And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
