Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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