Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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