I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
