Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
