I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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