so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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