My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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