omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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