He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
