dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
