ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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