I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
