the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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