A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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