I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
