We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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