I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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