On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
