i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
