I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
