fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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