I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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