I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
