he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
