We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
