your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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