I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
