I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
