I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
