): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
