Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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