lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
