I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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