there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
