Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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