I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
