he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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