ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Randomize
