just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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