my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
