at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize