I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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