do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
