I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
