I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is the high leading the old right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
