We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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