someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize