I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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