He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
