I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize