Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
