you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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