You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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