I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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