I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
