So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
