He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
