I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
