I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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