Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
