drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
