What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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