I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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