Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
