I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
