I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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