You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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