So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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