I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
