Already got asked if we're dating
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I party with great urgency now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
