At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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