i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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