I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
