party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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