I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
