I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
