She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
