I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
