My brain says no but my pants say off.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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