So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just had sex on a roof
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
